


The Things We Lost

by ink_writes16



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, TW: hospitals?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2020-11-23 23:08:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20897648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ink_writes16/pseuds/ink_writes16
Summary: Natasha struggles with loss. All of the good days are gone. She has to try everything to get them back. To get her back.





	1. Chapter 1

“I love you,” Natasha smiled, snuggling closer to Yelena. 

“Uh… okay.”

Natasha turned red with embarrassment. “Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have put it out like that.”

“It’s- It’s not you, babe,” she said, covering her face. “I don’t- ugh, I’m sorry.”

Natasha sat up. “What’s the matter?” 

She laughed. “I’m just- I’ve never- oh my god. I’ve never been in a situation like this.” She dropped her hands. “You are the first person to tell me you loved me.” 

Natasha scanned her face. “Really?” The blonde nodded and she laid back down. “I’m glad it was me and not some poser.”

Yelena ran her fingers through her hair and smiled. “I love you, too, Nat.” They sat in silence for a moment. “What did you mean some poser? You’re literally a spy.”  
_________________________

*Present-day*

Natasha burst through the door. “Yelena! Yelena!” She ran throughout the house, throwing open doors. “Please, please… No, no, Yelena…” She ran a hand through her hair when felt a nudging against her feet. The black cat rubbed its head against her ankle. Yelena would never have left Liho alone. Liho was always with her. 

“Liho,” she said, wiping a tear and getting down on her knees. “Where is she?” He led her to his food bowl. She fed him and sat on the counter, trying Yelena’s phone again. Her hope drained and her phone slipped out of her hand, landing on the counter with a thud. She slid off the counter and followed the ringing. She knew what she would find. She didn’t know why she followed if she knew. 

Her hand reached out and opened the door. Yelena’s phone was on the floor. Next to the dark pile of dust. Natasha’s hand came to her mouth. She sank to her knees, holding back the tears. 

Footsteps on the porch.

“Nat?” Steve. “Where are you?”

She wasn’t going to respond. A few seconds later, the cat nudged her elbow and Steve stood behind her. She pet the cat’s head.

“Traitor.”

“Who is that?”

Natasha sniffled and wiped her eyes. Picking the cat up, she turned to face him. “This is Liho.” 

He smiled a little. “I mean-”

She ignored him.

“You’ll have to talk eventually.”

She shook her head. “No. I’ve seen so much, I’ve done so much. And I haven’t told anyone. I don’t need you to be my therapist. I’ll be fine.”

“I’m just trying to-”

“I don’t need your help. I didn’t ask.”

He studied her, jaw tensing. Then he nodded. “Fine; you’re right. Just know, I’m here if you want to talk.” 

She pushed past him. “Don’t hold your breath.”  
__________________________________________

Natasha stopped in the doorway. “Yelena…” She sputtered. “What-?”

Yelena’s blonde hair bounced as she turned. “You aren’t supposed to be home for a while.”

“Yeah? Well, I’m here. What is that?” She stepped closer. Yelena smiled, lifting the small creature. 

“I got you a kitten.”

“I-”

“I’m not taking him back.” 

Natasha sat on the floor next to her, looking at the cat curiously. “I can’t keep him. Not with my job; it’s too high risk.” 

Yelena looked sadly at the black cat. “I named him Liho...”

Natasha laughed. “Aw, love.” She looked around the relatively cluttered room. 

Cat food was stacked against the wall. A cat tower loomed over everything, covered in various cat toys. She sighed.

“How much did you pay for all this?” Yelena avoided her gaze, focusing her attention on the black mass of fur that was rolling around in front of her. “Lena,” she pressed.

“A lot…” The red-head groaned. “I don’t want you to be lonely when I’m not home.”

She smiled. “I’m not lonely.”

Yelena smiled and leaned against the other’s shoulder. “Can we keep Liho?”

Natasha kissed her forehead. “We can try it. But if he can’t get taken care of-”

“I know, I know.” She looked up at her. “Love you, Nat.”  
_____________________________________

*Present-day*

“Have you eaten anything since…” Steve trailed off, not able to finish. 

“No appetite.” She didn’t look at him, or anything for that matter. Her eyes were distant and there was almost no emotion in her voice. 

She was sitting on her bed in the compound. She hadn’t moved much in the last week. Steve would come in and offer her food or to try and get her to talk.

“What happened?” He leaned against the door frame. “You’re not eating, you’re not sleeping.”

She finally made eye contact with him, her piercing glare drilling into him. “Survivor’s Guilt.”

“I know Survivor’s Guilt. This is more than that.”

She stood. “This is none of your business. I told you I didn’t need your help. I don’t need to talk.”

“Everyone needs to talk.”

“Did you?” She stood in front of him now, her eyes daring him to press her further.

“No-”

“-Exactly-”

“-But it’s taken its toll on me, Nat. I don’t want the same to happen to you.”

“I can look out for myself, thanks.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me posting on a schedule ok babes enjoy. ALSO, I tried using a reliable translator and tried it in four different translators so if its wrong let me know

Yelena looked around the brightly lit room. She sat a few feet away from the strangest group she’d ever seen. She knew a few of them, the multi-billionaire Tony Stark, the world-renowned scientist, Bruce Banner, and of course Clint, he came around often. Per her and Natasha’s request, however, he subtly nodded in greeting. Next to Clint, though, was a muscular blond man, twirling an ancient hammer in his grip.

A doctor came out and approached the group, giving them equally odd looks. Clint stood quickly. “How is she?” “She’s fine. You can go back and see her but she’ll probably be asleep.”

Yelena stood, moved past him, and started toward the door the doctor had just come through. A hand grabbed her arm. She turned to see a tall, blonde-haired, blue-eyed man glowering at her. “Who are you?”

She shook him off. “A worried friend.”

“She’s never mentioned you.”

“There are people you don’t mention,” she said matter of factly. “Why should she talk if you won’t?”

He stiffened. Clint moved between them.

“Rogers, she’s fine.” He looked at her. “Good to see you.”

“You too,” she said, relaxing a little. “Poor circumstances.”

He shrugged. “She’ll be fine; it’s Natasha after all.” Yelena chuckled.

“I hate to break up the reunion,” Stark began, nodding his thanks to the doctor. “But how do you know Romanoff?”

“We grew up together.”

Bruce stood and spoke hesitantly. “You’re an assassin?”

Yelena turned on him, but before she could say anything, a nurse tapped her on the shoulder.

“Ms. Romanoff is awake; she asked for you.”

Yelena gave a sweeping glare to the men (except the blonde with the hammer, who was looking at her half intrigued) and followed the nurse. They passed room after room, most doors were closed, a few were open. She kept her head high, avoiding eye contact and trying to not worry too much. Clint had called her telling her where to go and that it was bad. Unfortunately, she’d been in London at the time. She’d missed the surgery but if anything had gone wrong…

“This one here.” The nurse indicated the room on her left; Yelena nodded.

She pushed the door open, preparing for the worst. “Nat?” Yelena gasped quietly.

One of Natasha’s eyes were swollen shut, there was a scratch above the other. Her face was bruised and swollen, matching her arm. A white bandage peeked out from underneath her gown. She was hooked up to a monitor that displayed a steady pulse across the screen.

“Lena?” She moved next to the bed.

“I’m here, babe.” Natasha smiled and closed her eyes again.

“Hell of a fight.”

“Sorry I missed it,” she joked, messing with the flowers on the bedside table. “I met your friends today.”

“Oh, no,” Natasha groaned and winced as she shifted. “How bad were they?”

Yelena laughed. “You expect it?”

“Steve is over-protective.”

“I prefer a worried friend.” They both turned to look at him as he moved closer. Yelena glared while the corner of Natasha’s mouth twitched up. “Sorry about what happened out there.”

“Yeah,” Yelena scoffed. “I’m sure you are.”

“Быть милой,” Natasha hissed. (Be nice)

“Вообще - то, я веду себя хорошо.” (Actually, I'm being nice.) Natasha rolled her eyes. “I’m Yelena, her… uh, friend.” She glanced at the other and her face fell. “Nat?”

The machine droned one long tone. Nurses rushed in calling foreign words. Yelena was frozen. “I’m sorry, ma’am,” a nurse directed, trying pushing her out of the room.

“You need to leave.”

“No… no, this can’t be happening.”

Steve grabbed her arm, pulling her into the hall and away from the chaos. She couldn’t look away; she watched as the doctors and nurses tried to resuscitate her. He pulled her further away from the scene but she couldn’t get the image out of her head. Before she knew it, she was in the waiting room again. She passed Steve (who was trying to calm a frantic Clint) and Stark (who was eyeing Bruce cautiously) and sat next to the other blonde. She didn’t say anything. She couldn’t feel anything. The monitor’s tone echoed in her ears.

“You know her well?” Yelena blinked and willed herself to nod. He put his hand on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry.”

She shook her head. “I can’t… She can’t be…”

She covered her face in her hands and cried. Tears streamed down her face. The man wrapped her in a hug and they sat like that for a few minutes. Unbeknownst to Yelena, the other four were looking at her with confusion and concern but Thor glared at anyone who dared to try and bother her. She only looked up, eyes red and puffy, when he let her go.

“They have news.”

Sure enough, the nurse who had pushed her out earlier had appeared and they all stood. Yelena’s heart sank. This was it. Natasha was gone and Yelena was alone again.

“She’s going to be okay.”

**Present-day**

“I mean, we owe it to everyone who's not in this room to try.”

Steve’s eyes lingered on her. “Let’s get this son of a bitch.”

Natasha nodded and headed toward the armory. She unlocked a drawer and pulled her gear out.

“Yelena.”

She stopped and turned on him. “What did you say?”

“That was her name, right? The girl from the hospital?” 

She turned away again, adjusting her Widow’s bite. “I don’t know who you’re talking about.”

“She was really worried about you and Clint seemed to know her. When you stole Tony’s bike-”

“-Steve.”

“-and went to that house in the woods. That’s who you were looking for. And you found her.”

“I was looking for my cat.” She picked up her usual gun and turned back to him. “Now leave it alone.” She holstered the weapon and started out of the armory.

“I get it, you know,” he cautioned, fashioning the small shield to his wrist. “I lost my best friend, too.”

Natasha laughed a hollow and empty sound. “I didn’t lose my best friend,” she growled, glaring at him. “I… I lost the love of my life. And you, Steve Rogers, cannot relate to that. You didn’t lose Peggy; she lost you and then moved on.”

He stepped closer. “I was never talking about Peggy.”

Her brow furrowed and he sighed, avoiding her gaze. “You meant Bucky…” He nodded. “You never said.”

“Neither did you.”

“I have a lot of enemies,” she shrugged. “I didn’t want her to get hurt. But, you know, we can’t protect them forever.”

“And we can’t hold onto them forever.”

“But if we’ve got a chance-”

“-We have to accept if it doesn’t work out.”

She shook her head. “I can’t do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter :)   
Leave comments and kudos please


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, talk to me.”  
“Babe, I just want to punch something. Okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it says there will be four chapters but that last one is still TBD so bare with me. I hope you like it.

Natasha sat straight up, sweat dripping down her face. She turned and calmed when she saw Yelena next to her, her chest rising and falling with each breath. Running a hand through her fiery hair, she flipped the covers off and walked to the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair around her face was matted and stuck to her face. Sighing, she pulled out her brush and tried to tame her mane.

“Nat?” Natasha put the brush down and went back into their room, sitting on the bed where she’d just laid. Yelena squinted at her through heavy eyes and put her hand on the other’s arm. “You okay?”

Natasha smiled at her. “Yeah, just a dream.”

Yelena sat up. “A dream that has you shaking. Come here.” Natasha twisted and leaned back against the blonde, who wrapped her in her arms. “Tell me about it?” Natasha shook her head. “When you’re ready then.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Nat…”

“I’ll be fine,” she stated, hoping to put an end to the conversation. She broke out of the embrace and got up, heading for the closet. She pulled on a loose jacket. “I’m going to the ring.” She appeared in the doorway and Natasha smiled at her. “Want to come?”

Yelena looked at her then at the clock. “It is four a.m. Nowhere is going to be open.”

Natasha shrugged. “That never stopped me before.” She smirked as she pulled on her shoes.

“Hey,” Yelena prodded. “Talk to me.”

Natasha turned to her and sighed. “Lena, I just want to punch something. Okay?”

**Present-day**

“If I move on, who does this?”

“Maybe it doesn't need to be done.”

Natasha sat back. “I’ve got to keep my mind off of things somehow.”

“This isn’t ‘keeping your mind off of it.’ “ He sat down and put his elbows on his knees. “This is the exact opposite. You’re helping everyone else. When was the last time you ate?”

She motioned to the sandwich in front of her. “Today.”

“Before today.”

She looked at her hands in her lap. “Three days ago.”

He sighed. “There’s not much more you can do, Nat.”

“There’s always more I can do,” she retorted, standing and looking out the window at the bare landscape. “I can find and help handle Clint, find a way to reverse everything, bring everyone back.”

“That’s a lot of pressure.”

“What else can I do?!” She exploded, turning on him. He sat straighter. “I can sit and do nothing. I need… I have to get them back. I have to get her back.”

“Natasha-”

“Oh... Hi. Hi! Is anyone home? This is Scott Lang.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, I know that it's been ages since I updated this and I know I could have just ended it. However, I was looking through old drafts and found the finished last chapter. There were a few edits that had to be made and now, after months, you're all finally getting it. You all have been amazing with your kudos and stuff thank you so much

Yelena was being ripped apart and put back together, over and over again. There was a deafening pounding in her ears. She was falling fast. She’d been falling for a long time, never landing, going deeper and deeper. She screamed, covered her ears and closed her eyes tightly. 

Then everything stopped. Everything was quiet.

She opened her eyes tentatively, lowering her hands slowly. She was in her room on the floor. At home. She took a deep breath, glancing around. Something touched her back and she jumped. 

_ It was just a vine _ , she sighed in relief.  _ Wait… in the house? _

“Natasha?” She stood and walked around the quiet house, turning every time the house settled. 

Trees were pushing through the windows and the doors. She moved a low hanging branch and looked out a window near the front of the house. It was definitely the same house but she didn’t recognize the woods outside. She looked in the fridge for water but it’d been cleaned out. She grabbed her phone and dialed the number, putting her phone to her ear. It went to voicemail. Natasha always answered her calls. Especially from Yelena. 

She walked out into the woods, a sinking feeling growing in her stomach. Dialing another number, she repeated the process. “Clint?”

“Yelena…” He was out of breath.

“What’s happening? Natasha won’t answer her phone.” The line was silent. “Clint?”

“Uh, yeah… it’s hard to explain. Can you come to the… Where are you?”

She looked around. “At the woods near the cabin. But Clint-”

“Go to the farmhouse. We’ll explain everything…” There was distant shouting that she couldn’t make out. “I have to go.” He hung up and she sighed.

* * *

“Laura?” She walked down the path, approaching the farmhouse. Lila opened the patio door. 

“Yelena?” A smile spread across her face, but a dark shadow crossed over her face.

“Hey,” Yelena coaxed. “What’s the matter?” She followed her inside and looked around the gloomy family. Clint was covered in scrapes and bruises, walking with a slight limp. He was leaning against Laura; her eyes softened. 

“Hey, kids,” Clint smiled at them. “Can we talk to Yelena alone?” The older two nodded and Cooper pulled Nate up the stairs behind him. Lila smiled sadly at her and followed her brothers.    
“Clint…” 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, trying to hide the shake in his voice. He dropped into a chair and Laura moved around the table next to her. 

“Where is she?” 

“She’s gone.”

The world turned on its side. “No…” She backed up, just like she’d done in that hospital all those years ago. 

“Yelena-”

“No! Where is she?!” She demanded. Laura put a hand on her shoulder, but she moved away. “She can’t be- she’s not- She’s come back to me before, she’ll do it again.” Yelena was frantic, trying to convince them, her-  _ someone-  _ that she  _ was _ coming back. She didn’t see the computer that Clint had opened. “She has to, she always does.”

“Stark, this is stupid.” Yelena stopped, tears rolling down her cheeks. 

“Oh, come on. Humor me.” A sigh. She turned to look at the laptop on the table. 

“Fine. What was the question?” Natasha looked unamused but there was a playful sparkle in her eyes. 

“Just say something. I won’t send this to anyone, don't worry.”

She sighed again and looked down at whatever was in her hands, a half smile spreading across her face. “ Мой паук, Я люблю тебя.”

Yelena covered her mouth to stifle a sob. “No…”

The video changed to a different setting. 

“Yelena… What we’re doing is really dangerous. Tony gave me the idea for this.. You know, in case...something happens.” Natasha looked over her shoulder, the white tip of her braid rested on her shoulder. “I hope… I hope we can undo it and I can see you again but I don’t think it’ll happen. Everyone here has something,  _ someone _ , to lose but I don’t. Not anymore. I love you, Lena. I hope to see you soon.”

The picture froze. 

“Is that… Is that it?” Clint nodded. “I need to go.”

“Yelena,” Laura comforted. “Stay for dinner. Please.”   
“I’m sorry,” she sniffled. “I can’t.” 

Clint grunted and stood. “Can I walk you out?”

Yelena looked him over, wiping her eyes. “Can you walk?” He laughed a little. 

Laura smiled at her. “I’ll see you around.” It wasn’t a question. The blonde nodded. “You’re coming next week for dinner, right?” Also not a question.

“Yeah, I’ll be there.”


End file.
